How to Get a Job, Part IV: No No's

A week into holding interviews, here are a few things I've had happen that pretty much disqualify you for the job:

1. Fail to read the job posting. The posting said that you need to be a US citizen right up there at the top. You're not a US citizen? I don't feel sorry that you just drove an hour to get here.

2. Fail to understand what an interview is. Don't send me an email half an hour before the interview asking me if it is a real interview or a phone interview, and then asking to reschedule since I actually want to meet you. I'll still meet this guy, but he just dropped down to the bottom of the pile.

3. Be nervous. I know understand this little bit of performance anxiety, but get over it. I like confident applicants that act like they've done this before; they tend to do better under pressure when they get the job. If you're afraid of me, just wait until the owner of the company tells you that he needs a miracle five minutes ago.

4. Dress unprofessionally. Seriously: go put on that suit. You've lost me when you show up in jeans.

5. Ask me how to make a resume. I came across someone and mentioned that I was hiring. Just so happens he was looking, so I gave him my email address and told him to send me his resume. His response? "I've never made a resume, what should I put on it?" Sorry - a professional knows how to do this, and I'm not going to babysit.

6. Send me a resume that I can't read. That's right, I actually got a resume with no file extension or other type information. And you want a position at a software company?

7. Show up blind. We put a lot of effort into our website. Take five minutes to find out a little bit about our company.

How to Get a Job, Part III: The Setup

I freely admit that I'm a bastard.

Once I comb through the pile of resumes, I choose a few candidates that look the best / least worst and send out emails inviting the potential employees in for an interview.

I see every part of the interview process as a chance to glean just a little more information about candidates. When it comes down to it, most candidates have the same answers to formal questions, so I like to use bits that don't seem like formal questions. In this case, I give them the company name, but not an address.

A smart candidate will Google the company, find our address and write me back, "Is this the correct address?" A less promising candidate: "Send me your address." I like candidates that can find their own answers; I hate babysitting.

So much of IT is being able to answer questions for oneself.

How to Get a Job, Part II: The Submission

I know this sounds absurd, but choosing how and where to submit your resume can make a really big difference.

But first, read this public service announcement: only apply to jobs that might actually be a good fit for you. Yes, I'm talking to you, the COBOL architect that applied to a Java position, and you, the manufacturing specialist that applied for a network administrator job. I'm also talking to all those woefully under-qualified individuals, along with those extremely overqualified individuals with no relevant experience on their (nine page) resumes.

These types of submissions are, in no uncertain terms, spam. You know how you hate getting 582 spam emails a month? You know how you complain about getting telemarketing calls during dinner every day from inconsiderate jerks? Yeah - you just did that to me.

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There may be plenty of reasons to apply for a position for which you may not seem entirely right. That's fine - but explain in your cover letter. You live in Burbank? Acknowledge the fact and tell me that you're willing to relocate. You don't list the Microsoft Exchange experience I specifically wanted? Tell me how you can overcome the shortcoming. I read cover letters. Usually, they make a bigger impact than the resume.

And while we're on the subject: don't send your cover letter as an attachment! Your email IS the cover letter. Furthermore, while it is generally unnecessary to tailor a resume for a specific position, it is absolutely necessary to do so for a cover letter. Don't give me generic BS about wanting to find a position that will use your skills and abilities.

And finally: format. Microsoft Word is pretty common, but there are several problems with it. For starters, not everyone has the software. Opening it in different versions or alternative programs (I'm looking at you, Open Office and Google Docs) can royally screw up the formatting. Also, it's possible to wind up with viruses from it. Send me a nice PDF. How to do this is left as an exercise for the individual.

If you can't Google a solution, don't bother applying - at least not to a software company.

How to Get a Job, Part I: The Resume

AGHHH!!!

I spent most of my day reading resumes. This should never be an issue.

A resume should be a good, solid - and single! - page that gives the hiring manager a way to narrow down potential candidates to those that really fit the job.

A resume is not a novella. A resume is not your personal, epic saga from fry cook at McDonald's to senior architect at a Fortune 500. A resume is not a nine-page document of every single task you've completed in 20 years.

I have 30 seconds for your resume. Don't rush me - and above all, don't bore me.